• 12:29 PLEASE RT: WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE #

• 13:37 OH GOD WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE #
• 01:42 NO SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE #

• 13:43 Dear twitter: I still love you, I'm just going through some changes.
  Dear livejournal: we need to talk.
  Dear facebook: how *you* doin'? #

• 10:17 Why does this toothpaste say "For external use only?" Is it actually facepaste? Do they not know where teeth are? #

• 12:12 The "ready" chime on the microwave at work sounds like a goddamn smoke alarm. #
• 13:54 Torche is a fuckign awesome band, and they're playing at Sonar in April. You should go, if you like things that are fuckign awesome. #
• 18:10 New favorite sentence: "No offense intended, dickface." #

• 11:38 Just spent too much money on two tickets to see Leonard Cohen in May. #

• 13:09 Clearly my car is punishing me for test driving its potential replacement earlier this week. #
• 16:57 Free alcohol at work, woohoo! #

• 13:43 Should Godzilla fight the Hobo Army, or should they team up? (wait, I think the answer is BOTH) #
• 10:49 Oh hey, a piece of my car just broke off. #

No Motorcycle Tricks Allowed

• 12:09 Last day off before the new job. Gonna hang out with a friend and play videogames. #
• 08:28 Left 15 minutes early, expecting traffic. Arrived 25 minutes early. Where is everyone? #